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Tuesday, 08 November 2011 09:17

The Ocean’s Thirteen Moment

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In my book, online slots have only one deficiency – and that is that you can’t witness a fabulous win.

I’ve got a bunch of movie-snob friends who maintain that sequels are never as good as the original. The Temple of Doom wasn’t as good as Raiders, which also trumped the Last Crusade, which turned out to be – well, not his last crusade. The Matrix: Reloaded was in no way as good as The Matrix. And don’t even get them started waxing lyrical about the Star Wars series.

But say what you will about Ocean’s Thirteen, in my opinion there are few better movie moments than the one where Brad Pitt puts down the last lucky coin and an unfortunate-looking woman trundles along, finds it, kisses it for good luck and then wins $30m from a free slots spin. Brilliant! It’s only beaten by the Susan B Anthony at the end of the film where the poor tortured hotel reviewer wins $11m from his free slots spin.

Unless you habitually dabble in schadenfreude, you can’t help but be happy for these folks who came for a good night out, or simply to do their jobs, and went home with a huge progressive slots win. The stunned looks on their faces, the mounting disbelief giving way to shrieks of fiscally elevated glee – that is magic, folks.

Much as I love online slots, you can’t see other people winning from your couch. You don’t get to congratulate winners, you can’t dwell on the fringes of their happiness, oscillate in the periphery of their post-win glow. You don’t get to shriek along with them, get swept up in the excitement or receive complimentary bubbles as you drink to their win and health.

But when I consider giving up the online version in favour of venturing into the wilderness known as a land-based casino – I shudder. To relinquish the ease of access, the variety of games and the comfort of playing in my own home, I feel like that’s pretty much the only way in which slot machines are superior.

I’ll keep my slots online and hire movies instead.