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Friday, 09 September 2011 10:22

Sir Lanceslot: King Arthur and the Knights of the Roulette Table

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Time for a history lesson: the untold story of Sir Lancelot.

There's something you didn't know about Sir Lancelot of Round Table fame. He was obsessed with slots. That's right. Not only was he a dashing philanderer, rushing off round the back of the bike sheds with Guinevere whenever he got a chance; he was also a casino slots fiend. No joke. In Geoffery of Monmouth's, 12th century account of King Arthur's heroic exploits, Historia Regum Britanniae, Monmouth is quoted as having scribed, “By my troth, I fancy a game of online slots,' Quoth Sir Lancelot”. So it is clear from Monmouth's account that some version of online slots was in existence at this time, which puts into complete doubt our belief that the internet was invented in the late Twentieth Century. Scholars around the world have contested this usage of the word “online”, with many of the opinion that Monmouth was insane or had prophetic powers that make Nostrodamus look like a dribbling, old trickster. Lawyers for Nostradamus have declined to comment.

According to another medieval chronicler, William of Hill, Sir Lancelot was often referred to as Sir Lanceslot by his jousting partners, as he would often miss tournaments just to visit the local casino slots, established by a distant relative. His addiction was apparently so bad even Guinevere threatened to leave him, after he had borrowed over a thousand groats off her, and go back to Casino mogul, King Arthur, head dealer at the Knights of the Roulette Table. Sir Lanceslot apparently was killed in an accident, after losing a bet that he could pole vault over the moat of his best mate Sir Toby Craps!